Screenwriting Rules :-D
It's not necessary to say “hello” or “goodbye” when beginning or ending a phone conversation.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they're deliberately assigned a partner who's their total opposite.
When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to one another, sometimes fluently, at either times favoring the appropriate national accent.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
It's always possible to park directly outside the building you're visiting.
The chief of police will always suspend his star detective—or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects viewers personally at that precise moment, and it's never necessary to listen to the complete bulletin.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
The ventilation system of a building is a perfect hiding place. No one will think of looking for you there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any alien civilization.
If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath, even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a space the size of the Astrodome.
You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year.
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises while wearing their most revealing underwear.
A detective can only solve a case once he's been suspended from duty.
You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they'll never suffer a concussion or brain damage, and nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption, or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds—unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It doesn't matter if you're heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
Makeup can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you weren't carrying any before now.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there's someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off, even while scuba diving.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language: a German accent will do.
Screenwriter Jokes edited by Alan Baird
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